QUESTION: What can you tell us about the differences between Type I and Type II kids? I have one of each and want to understand them.

DR. DOBSON: First, you should know that these characteristics are not highly correlated with intelligence. By that, I mean there are bright children who are at the flighty end of the scale, and there are slow-learning individuals who are highly motivated. The primary difference between them is a matter of temperament and maturity, although there are more smart kids in the Type I category.

Second, Type II children are not intrinsically inferior to Type I. Yes, it would be wonderful if every student used the talent he or she possessed to his or her best advantage. But each child is a unique individual. Kids don't fit the same mold - nor do they need to. Education is important today, and we want our boys and girls to go as far as they can academically. But let's keep our goals in proper perspective. It is possible that the low achiever will outperform the academic superstar in the long run. There are many examples of that occurring in the real world (Einstein, Edison, Eleanor Roosevelt, etc.). Don't write off that disorganized, apparently lazy kid as a lifelong loser. He may surprise you.

Third, you will never turn a Type II youngster into a Type I scholar by nagging, pushing, threatening and punishing. It isn't in him. If you try to squeeze him into something he's not, you will only produce aggravation for yourself and anger from the child. These attempts can fill a house with conflict. I have concluded that it is simply not worth the price it extracts.

I am certainly not recommending that children be allowed to float through life, avoiding responsibility and wasting their opportunities. My approach to the underachiever can be summarized in these suggestions:

No. 1: He lacks the discipline to structure his life. Help him generate it. Systematize his study hours. Look over his homework to see that it is neat and complete, etc.

No. 2: Maintain as close contact with the school as possible. The more you and your child's teacher communicate, the better. Only then can you provide the needed structure.

No. 3: Avoid anger in the relationship. It does not help. Those parents who become most frustrated and irritated often believe their child's irresponsibility is a deliberate thing. Usually it is not. Consider the problem a matter of temperament rather than defiance.

No. 4: Seek tutorial assistance if necessary to stay on track.

No. 5: Having done what you can to help, accept what comes in return. Go with the flow and begin looking for other areas of success for your child.

Let me say it once more: Not every individual can be squeezed into the same mold. There is room in this world for the creative "souls" who long to breathe free. I'll bet some of you parents approached life from the same direction.

 

QUESTION: Should a college-educated woman feel that she has wasted her training if she chooses not to use it professionally? I mean, why should I bother to go through school to be a professional if I'm going to wind up raising kids and being a full-time homemaker?

DR. DOBSON: A person doesn't go to college just to prepare for a line of work - or at least, that shouldn't be the reason for being there. The purpose for getting a college education is to broaden your world and enrich your intellectual life. Whether or not it leads to a career is not the point. Nothing invested in the cultivation of your own mind is ever really wasted. If you have the desire to learn and the opportunity to go to school, I think you should reach for it. Your career plans can be finalized later.

 

Send your questions to Dr. Dobson, c/o Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, CO 80903. These questions and answers are excerpted from books authored by Dr. James Dobson and published by Tyndale House Publishers. Dr. Dobson is the chairman of the board for Focus on the Family, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the preservation of the home. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.