The Jennifer Wilbanks' story that has been so prevalently communicated through the media has caused me to think about the pressures that are common to weddings and what to do about them. It is ironic that Jennifer's effort to run away from the approaching wedding thrust her into a national spotlight beyond comprehension. Her picture was plastered on every television screen and every newspaper in the country. At once, within a few short hours there was scarcely anyone in the country who was not aware of the "runaway bride."

The terrible reality of what she had done to her husband-to-be and to her family and friends crushed her heart. She returned home in tears and it was reported that she was very contrite and repentant. It remains to be seen if there might be legal repercussions to her actions. Her groom and her family and friends welcomed her home apparently with open arms and many others voiced a desire to see some kind of legal penalty for her actions.

There is no doubt that her actions reflect an irrational thought process. The question I have had in my mind relates to what might have been done to prevent what happened. Nothing that I will share is communicated in judgment of Jennifer, but as a genuinely concerned father and minister who has observed that weddings often create an environment that is about as tense as it gets. I knew as I raised my three daughters that I was heading right for three weddings when I would walk down the aisle three times to give my daughters away at the altar. I realized this would not be an easy experience, I was right. The emotions often explode before, during and after the wedding day. My daughters expressed their emotions by crying. I expressed mine by suggesting that instead of providing a reception with a surf and turf buffet dinner for the entire crowd we could serve punch, cake and nuts like they did when I got married. That suggestion went over about as well as my suggestion that the girls rent their wedding gowns. "After all," I said, "you are going to wear it for just a few hours. Then you will vacuum pack it in a box that will sit in a closet until your daughter tells you that she doesn't want to wear your dress; she wants one of her own." Finally, I don't remember who, but someone suggested that I just needed to go somewhere and take a deep breath. Turns out, that was pretty good advice.

Remembering thousands of details, making numerous trips to pick up things that no one could remember to get when they were at the store, all contributed to the tense wedding experience. I had frightening dreams about Kathy's, my eldest daughter's, wedding the week of the wedding. I dreamed more than once that at the church I went to a back room to fellowship with some folks, but then discovered that the organist was playing the processional and I was not where I was supposed to be. By the time I reached the location where my daughter was waiting for me to walk her down the aisle, I discovered that she had fainted and was stretched out on a hospital cart. "Daddy, where were you?" were the only words she said, but she said them over and over as my heart broke. In my dream, all of this was due to my being insensitive to one of the most special moments in my daughter's life. I had failed my daughter miserably. How could I ever live with myself? At that point I would wake up in a cold sweat so thankful that I had not actually let my daughter down. No doubt the pressures of a wedding are enormous.

 

Dealing with stresses of a wedding

Question: What can be done to deal appropriately with wedding stress? I would like to make some suggestions.

1. Follow God's plan for purity prior to marriage. "True love waits" is not just the name of a national abstinence movement. It is a true statement. Waiting for that first time moment reserved only for your spouse will deepen your relationship with your spouse-to-be and create anticipation of the glorious day of your wedding.

2. Participate in pre-marital counseling. The Christian counselor must not be a novice, but a deeply spiritual, trusted and mature individual. One or two sessions are inadequate. The counseling should be extensive and should include major investments by the couple, such as the reading and study of several helpful books.

3. It's your wedding; don't let others make the decisions. You decide how many and who will be in your wedding. You decide the date and time and whether you will have a reception and the kind of reception it will be. You decide what colors you will use and the attire of the wedding party. These are only a few of the decisions, but sufficient to make the point. You decide.

4. Let both families know that as the bride and groom, you have discussed your plans extensively and have made the decisions about your wedding.

5. If you have misgivings about getting married, remember that it is more important to break off a wedding that is not meant to be, than to have a union at the marriage altar that is not within the will of God. Do not be controlled by fear of embarrassment. You are in charge. Do what is right.

6. Spend much time praying with your spouse-to-be regarding your wedding and your future life together. Make a firm commitment to be united in your devotion to Jesus Christ and united in a local church.

7. Your wedding should be a worship service, plan it accordingly. Your music should be worshipful, spiritual music, not secular songs that, though they mean a lot to you, are not appropriate for a worship experience in church. Use Scripture texts that have touched your heart. Avoid trying to mimic weddings you have seen in motion pictures. The image of such weddings is often a mile wide and an inch deep. Seek to honor Christ in every way. Approach the marriage altar as Christians devoting yourselves to the Lord and to each other.