(RNS) The recent restructuring of marriage license fees in Tennessee has prompted a debate in our state about what our attitude should be about divorce.

My local editorial page, for example, recently called for “normalizing divorce.” If this means that divorced people and their children should be treated with dignity, then of course this is true. But if it means that divorce should be accepted as a routine social practice, I disagree.

Divorce most greatly impacts children, and such “normalization” would probably increase the incidence of divorce and thus increase that impact.

For the past five years I have been working on a book on marriage and divorce. As part of my research, student staff and I have compiled more than 60 interviews with college students who have experienced the divorce of their parents. Some of the major findings are frightening, even though they merely confirm what most already believed.

For the great majority, the divorce of their parents was the most significant event in their lives. Some divorced adults are able to absorb the shock of it and move on, but children are not quite so resilient. Divorce leaves its mark, not just for a season but for a lifetime.

One student said: “Every day I think about my parents’ divorce at least once. Every day I relive the pain in some way.”

It is commonly assumed that every divorce is preceded by intense conflict, and thus divorce is better for all concerned than staying in a “bad” marriage.

However, my interviews reveal that only about half of the divorces children experienced emerged from high-conflict relationships. The other half occurred in relatively low-conflict environments. Most of these kinds of divorces came as a total shock to the children involved. One day everything seemed fine, the next day the world turned upside down.

Divorce researchers are beginning to conclude that divorces emerging from low-conflict environments are especially difficult for children to comprehend. The pain they must endure doesn’t seem to correspond with any conceivable, rational, explainable cause for it.

In each interview we have asked why their parents got divorced. The litany of reasons is depressing, yet illuminating.

A large number of divorces had their origins in financial issues: workaholism, stressful work situations, job loss, laziness, and financial irresponsibility. Adultery appears in well over half of my interviews. Substance abuse and addictive behaviors are critical factors in many divorces. Physical abuse was reported in a substantial minority of interviews. One of the most striking reasons for divorce is simply a character meltdown on the part of one or both of the adults.

One student put it this way: “There was a point where things snapped and changed for Dad.” So Dad disappeared, leaving broken-hearted children behind.

For those hoping that divorce can bring an end to suffering, the interview results should be sobering. In more than half of my cases, children had to move within several months either of separation or of divorce, thus adding yet another disruption to already disrupted lives. For many children this kind of disruption occurred many times, as parents cohabited, remarried, and divorced time after time, not just once.

More than 90 percent of the students in my study lived with their mothers after divorce. Despite court-ordered visitation, for more than three-fourths relationships with their fathers deteriorated, eventually collapsing altogether. This fits with the results of other studies. Divorce is contributing to a national fatherhood crisis.

Slightly more than half of my interviewees reported significant financial stresses related to divorce. Most reported a drop in their standard of living, and this despite the efforts and accomplishments of hyper-stressed single mothers working two or three jobs and juggling child care. Numerous interviews indicated that nonpayment of child support was a major issue.

Many apologists for divorce want to say it’s not an end but a beginning. Well, perhaps so. But for children, it mainly appears to be the beginning of a pattern of emotional loss, household disruption, economic struggle, and weakened ties to one or both parents.

Perhaps it is not too late to begin speaking about what the growing “normalization” of divorce really means – especially for our children.

David P. Gushee is an associate professor of moral philosophy at Union University in Jackson, Tenn.