Proverbs 17:17; 18:24; 27:5-6, 9-10, 17; Phil. 4:14
Related Sunday School Lesson, Family Bible Series, May 30

How many friends do you have?

I did not ask how many people you know, or how many phone numbers are in your rolodex, or how many people receive your annual Christmas letter. I asked how many friends you have.

How many people do you have in your life that will be there for you no matter what happens? They are there in good times and bad, when you succeed and when you fail. They are there in your rare moments of brilliance or in those all too frequent times when you have done something totally stupid. I doubt there are many who fit the criteria just given.

If you have a friend like this, you have one of life’s rarest treasures. In my life I can count on one hand those who have been that kind of friend. I have known thousands of people. In the course of thirty years in the ministry, I have served as pastor to more than 15,000 people. Many have been on my heart, but few have shared my heart as only a friend can.

Everyone wants friends. I have never met anyone who did not. But not everyone knows how to have friends.

One of the most famous books of the twentieth century is still on the best selling list more than fifty years after its original publication. How to Win Friends and Influence People has influenced generations of would-be friend makers. It is a good book. However, the advice given is incomplete without the wisdom of scripture.

It may surprise you to know that friendship is a subject mentioned often in the Bible. Nowhere is it better treated than in the book of Proverbs. Our focal passage is actually a series of verses spread throughout this book written so long ago. The best known text in this series is Proverbs 18:24. Solomon writes, “A man who would have friends must first show himself friendly, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother (KJV).”

The admonition is clear. In simple terms, to have a friend you must be a friend. How do we show ourselves friendly? At this point the golden rule applies. Being a friend is literally a matter of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Friends are dependable. Proverbs 17:17 states, “A friend loves at all times … ” Like many people I have found out the hard way who my true friends are. When I was on top of the ministerial world climbing the denominational ladder, there were many who called themselves my friend. Friends are there for you in dark times and dumb times.

A friend of mine suffered a tragic moral failure. It could not be disguised as anything except sin. I called to tell him I still loved him and that I would be there for him. He did not know how to respond so he said nothing at all. Finally he broke his silence and said, “Allan, you are the only person who has called me since my story broke.” I felt bad because I had not called him immediately. I hesitated, not knowing what to say. I found out that day that what is said is not as important as simply making the call. Friends are dependable.

Friends are honest. Friends don’t always tell you what you want to hear. Proverbs 27:5-6 states, “Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” Friends will not serve as yes men. They will speak their mind because they have invested their heart. The scripture admonishes us to speak the truth in love.

Proverbs 27:17 states it well, “As iron sharpens iron so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” Be honest and learn to value the honesty of true friends. Encourage your friends to tell you the truth and then thank them for it. When a person understands he can be totally honest without fear of reprisal, he will more fully appreciate the privilege of being your friend.

Friends are resilient. True friends do not always see eye to eye. At times, like Paul and Barnabas, friends must go separate ways. But true friends come back. One of the great things about true friendship is the confidence that the relationship can weather a few storms. This does not mean that you can take a friend for granted. But it does mean that you need not live in fear of losing a true friend.

Friends meet real needs. Friendships are needs-based relationships. We have friends not just because we want them, but because we need them. We need them for many reasons but none more significant than simple companionship. Loneliness is one of the most critical problems of life. All around us are those who need a kind, caring friend.

Billy Graham was once asked, “What are the biggest problems facing people today?” To the surprise of the questioner he replied, “Everywhere I go I encounter people who are lonely.” Many people are surrounded by others yet feel all alone. How is that possible? Having people in your life is not the same as having friends in your life. Friends meet the needs of friends. If you are lonely, do something to fill the loneliness of someone else. When you do, you will have a friend.

Last word. There is indeed a friend that sticks closer than a brother. There is one who has even laid down his life for his friends. If we have the privilege of calling God our Father, we also have the joy of calling Christ our friend. What a friend we have in Jesus.