QUESTION: Are there limits to this trend toward younger and younger sexual development? If not, the kids of the future may enter puberty in the middle of childhood. That could create enormous problems if sexual awareness precedes emotional maturity by a decade or more.

DR. DOBSON: It could happen, but that isn’t likely. Actually, studies now indicate that a leveling-off and perhaps a reversal of this trend are occurring. In 1988, the average age of the menarche reached a low point of 12.5. By 1993, however, a study by Dann and Roberts found that the curve had begun to swing back in the other direction. Puberty appears to be arriving slightly later again. Why? Well, just as better nutrition and health care caused the average age to drop in the recent past, the present emphasis on ultra-thin bodies and intense exercise is apparently delaying development somewhat.

Many physicians are concerned about today’s obsession with what used to be called “skinniness.” Extremes, they say, are rarely beneficial to human beings – whether they be manifested in grossly overweight bodies or those that are bone thin.

A famous biochemist at the University of Southern California, Dr. Sam Bessman, once told me, “Remember that the body never stops eating. If you don’t feed it properly, it will begin to consume itself.” That is precisely what happens in the girl who consumes too few calories; she may have no periods for years at a time.

 

QUESTION: I’m in my early 20s and trying to figure out a career path and general direction for my life. Do you have any suggestions?

DR. DOBSON: First, you need information. You might begin by going to an occupational psychologist or another knowledgeable counselor who can assess your skills and interests. There are excellent psychometric tests available today that will acquaint you with your own abilities. Computers will analyze your responses and correlate them with those of people who are successful and contented in given professions. You might be surprised at what you can learn about yourself from an occupational inventory.

Second, you should begin an energetic exploration of eight or nine occupations that you might find exciting. Visit people who are working in those fields and ask them for advice and counsel. Attack this problem like a private investigator who is determined to unravel a mystery. Leave no stone unturned.

Third, when you’ve identified the area of greatest interest, commit to it. Beyond that point there’s no looking back. Even if there might be a more attractive goal out there somewhere, there comes a point where you have to get on with life. Take your best shot and stay with it until you have a more secure and certain alternative to chase. Millions of others have been where you are now. They eventually got the rockets to fire. I believe you will too.

 

QUESTION: You have said that every healthy married couple should learn how to fight. What do you mean by that?

DR. DOBSON: What I have said is that people need to learn how to fight fair, because there is a big difference between healthy and unhealthy combat in marriage. In an unstable marriage, hostility is aimed at the partner’s soft underbelly with comments like: “You never do anything right!” and “Why did I marry you in the first place?” and “You’re getting more like your mother every day!” These offensive remarks strike at the very heart of the mate’s self-worth.

Healthy conflict, by contrast, is focused on the issues that cause disagreement. For example: “It upsets me when you don’t tell me you’re going to be late for dinner.” Or: “I was embarrassed when you made me look foolish at the party last night.”

Can you hear the difference in these two sets of examples? The first approach assaults the dignity of the partner while the second is addressed to the source of conflict. When couples learn this important distinction, they can work through their disagreements without wounding and insulting each other.

 

Send your questions to Dr. Dobson, c/o Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, CO 80903. These questions and answers are excerpted from books authored by Dr. James Dobson and published by Tyndale House Publishers. Dr. Dobson is the chairman of the board for Focus on the Family, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the preservation of the home. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. COPYRIGHT 2004 JAMES DOBSON INC.