In spite of depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder that have nagged her since she was a teenager, 20-year-old Krissee is determined to keep the self-destructive manifestations of both conditions in check.

It hasn’t been easy, says Krissee, who asked that her last name not be used. “To this day, I still want to do it,” she said.

“It” was pulling out her hair, a strand at a time, until she was essentially bald.

“It” also was self-injury. She used a razor blade or X-acto knife to slash her forearms and legs.

Growing up near Grand Rapids, Mich., Krissee remembers a happy childhood, but one that was tinged with feelings of low self-worth. As the feelings persisted and her anxiety grew, she pulled out her hair and eventually started to cut herself as a way to cope, she said.

“I had this amazing buildup of stress, and this was a way to release that, a physical way to cope,” she said. “I couldn’t always hide what I did, so I’ve got to believe I wanted somebody to know I wasn’t OK.”

Her parents tried to find her help, she said, and a “parade of every sort of counseling, therapy and medication you can think of” brought some good results. But it didn’t make her invincible.

“I needed a safe place to talk,” she said.

Then a friend told her about heartsupport.com, and Krissee volunteered to be one of the first to share her story with a new online community whose organizers want to be a source of hope and healing for those who are hurting.

She posted a video testimony of her experiences on the website, and today serves as a live-chat moderator.

“The main thing is, you’ve got to talk about it,” Krissee said. “When I finally talked about it to the people I loved, that’s when the healing really started.”

Heartsupport.com is a new ministry for those with substance abuse or self-injury issues, eating disorders, depression, or suicidal thoughts.

The ministry was started last October by friends Jon Bell, 24; Web designer Clint McManaman, 27; and Craig Gross, 32, an ordained minister and former youth pastor perhaps best known as the founder of anti-pornography ministry XXXchurch.com.

Heartsupport.com includes features such as live and email support with licensed counselors, chats and message boards where posters can share their experiences, and the chance for people to upload their video stories.

The idea behind heartsupport, as described in Bell’s online bio, is simple: “Sometimes the most important words for a person to say are ‘Me too.’”

Porn addiction was how McManaman connected with Gross. For Bell, it was a struggle with drugs and clinical depression.

“I realized I was depressed in seventh grade,” Bell recalled.

Instead of seeking help, he said, he numbed his pain with drugs.

“I didn’t feel like I could let my parents or siblings down, and I didn’t feel like church was a safe place to talk about what I was going through,” Bell said.

“I think that’s common, the feeling that people will think ‘What do you mean, you’re not doing OK? You’re in church.’ I think a lot of people feel a need to have everything together.”

Admitting that he had a problem led to treatment and counseling, and allowed those closest to him to pull him up and out of his misery.

Had someone recommended an online resource, he probably would have used it, Bell said.

“It’s a safer conversation to say ‘Go to heartsupport’ than ‘You should see a counselor,’ even though what they’re really saying is ‘You should see a counselor.’”

 

Morgan Jarema writes for The Grand Rapids Press in Grand Rapids, Mich.