I arrived home from Navy Boot Camp. Margaret and I were married the next day. We both were seventeen. Two weeks later, I sailed to the Philippine Islands. When my "hitch" in the Navy was done, I returned home.

Given such circumstances, odds of our staying married were poor. But we did. We were blessed with four wonderful children and seven beautiful grandchildren.

How do you stay married? Many don't - even when the the odds are good. In fact, the percentage of the born again divorcing is the same as the non-born again.

Staying married is founded on and sustained by a commonality of commitment. Such commitment is articulated in the vow: "To love and to cherish 'til death do us part." Those words are not eloquent wedding dÈcor like floral arrangements. They are the lifeblood of marriage itself.

But the vow is not automatic. You don't put it in "drive," and marriage climbs the mountains, rounds the curves and traverses the dangers of the road by itself.

No. Marriage is a stick shift. You must work at it. Through the years, you must work through the hurts, unmet needs, betrayals, disagreements, disappointments, deadness. Often the work is hard, difficult, discouraging, painful. But you must never quit.

A man rationalized his decision to divorce by saying, "This marriage is dead."

Such diagnosis results from faulty definition. Marriage is not an everyday sumptuous, festive, gala ball. Honeymoons are mortal. They end. But the marriage goes on - or should.

To be sure, the brilliant, colorful lights of marriage often dim or go out. When they do, you don't curse the darkness. You don't walk out of the marriage. You light a candle. You protect the flame until the lights go on again.

Problems of the married are not all marital. Most occur outside marriage: job, health, injustice, money, leisure. Jesus called them "the worries of the world."

Struggling under the crush of such troubles, how applicable to marriage is the counsel of the apostle: "Bear each other's burdens."

The tender loving touch of the other, the sharing of the pain while joined heart to heart is a marital "magic glue." Such adhesive creates a permanent bond. Dissolution of the marriage becomes impossible.

For it to last, you must sing Amazing Grace in your marriage, not just in your church. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not optional for marriage. They are obligatory. You must forgive. You must reconcile. And there is no limit to the number. It's "seventy times seven." It's infinite. Paul defined it: "Love never ends." Neither does forgiveness.

Marriage today still hemorrhages from the wounds inflicted by the seers of the sixties. These false prophets edited the commandment, "Love your neighbor as yourself" to read "Love yourself."

Life-long commitment in marriage was replaced by self-actualization.

Staying married for the sake of the children was judged as cowardly failure to realize one's potential. Besides children are resilient, they said. It's like a bad cold. Children bounce back.

Believing these fables, divorce increased by exponential proportions. But the utopia promised by the sixties soothsayers never appeared. Divorce remains a horrific experience. In its wake, divorce has left a generation of children in perpetual grief.

To stay married, you must exorcize from marriage those egotistic preachments of the sovereign self. You must "deny yourself." Walk in the steps of Jesus who "emptied himself." "Be humble. Be gentle. Be patient."

Couples now celebrating wedding anniversaries in the high numbers could have easily divorced. Many said they stayed together for the children's sake. But unknown to them at the time, staying together for the children built a bridge over troubled waters. Now in the mature years the bridge has long been crossed. The troubled waters have calmed. They enjoy and appreciate their marriage again.

And now the children with their own children can all come home, the home of their childhood. There they receive the loving and blessed embrace of their father and mother who are still committed to the vow: "til death do us part."

Long ago as a skinned head Navy recruit I stood beside a beautiful young woman. Together we made the commitment "til death do us part." Across the years we have renewed that vow again and again.

Now with joy and gratitude, we admire the beautiful and dedicated Christian lives of our children. We embrace and play with our wonderful grandchildren. We say, "Thank you, Lord." We are grateful that the vow we took so many years ago lasted and will last "til death do us part."