Help your children achieve balance between work and play

QUESTION: Can you give us a guideline for how much work children should be given to do?

DR. DOBSON: There should be a healthy balance between work and play. Many farm children of the past had daily chores that made life pretty difficult. Early in the morning and again after school they would feed the pigs, gather the eggs, milk the cows and bring in the wood. Little time was left for fun, and childhood became a pretty drab experience. That was an extreme position, and I certainly don’t favor its return.

Contrast that workaday responsibility with some families today that require nothing of children – not even asking them to take out the trash, water the lawn or feed the cat. Both extremes, as usual, are harmful to the child. The logical middle ground can be found by giving a boy or girl an exposure to responsibility and work, but preserving time for play and fun. The amount of time devoted to each activity should vary with the age of the child, gradually requiring more work as he or she grows older.

QUESTION: My 13-year-old daughter has become increasingly lazy over the past couple of years. She lies around the house and will sleep half a day on Saturday. She complains about being tired a lot. Is this typical of early adolescence? How should I deal with it?

DR. DOBSON: It is not uncommon for boys and girls to experience fatigue during the years of puberty. Their physical resources are being invested in a rapid growth process during that time, leaving less energy for other activities. This period doesn’t last very long and is usually followed by the most energetic time of life.

I would suggest, first, that you schedule your daughter for a routine physical examination to rule out the possibility of a more serious explanation for her fatigue. If it does turn out to be a phenomenon of puberty, as I suspect, you should “go with the flow.” See that she gets plenty of rest and sleep.

This need is often not met because teenagers feel that they shouldn’t have to go to bed as early as they did when they were children. Therefore, they stay up too late and then drag through the next day in a state of exhaustion. Surprisingly, a 13- or 14-year-old actually needs more rest than when he or she was 9 or 10, simply because of the acceleration in growth.

Your daughter is turning overnight from a girl to a woman. Some of the physical characteristics you are observing are part of the transformation. Do everything you can to facilitate it.

QUESTION: How can parents prepare their younger children for the assault on self-esteem that is almost certain to come in adolescence? That was a tough time for me, and I want it to be easier for my kids.

DR. DOBSON: One important approach is to teach boys and girls valuable skills with which they can compensate in years to come. They can benefit from learning something that will serve as the centerpiece of their self-concept during the difficult years. This would include learning about basketball, tennis, electronics, art, music, or even raising rabbits for fun and profit.

It’s not so much what you teach your child. The key is that he or she learn something with which to feel good when the whole world seems to be saying, “Who are you and what is your significance as a human being?”

The teenager who has no answer to those questions is left unprotected at a very vulnerable time of life. Developing and honing skills with which to compensate may be one of the most valuable contributions parents can make during the elementary school years. It may even be worth requiring your carefree kid to take lessons, practice, compete, and learn something he or she will not fully appreciate for a few more years.

Send your questions to Dr. Dobson, c/o Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, CO 80903. These questions and answers are excerpted from books authored by Dr. James Dobson and published by Tyndale House Publishers. Dr. Dobson is the chairman of the board for Focus on the Family, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the preservation of the home. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. COPYRIGHT 2004 JAMES DOBSON INC.