Violent shows, toys should be a concern to parents

QUESTION: I’m concerned about the violent content of some children’s cartoon shows and the toys and other products connected with them. My husband thinks they’re harmless. What’s your point of view?

DR. DOBSON: I share your misgivings. There’s a trend toward a brand of violence in some of today’s cartoons and toys that I see as a dangerous departure from the more traditional combat-type games in which boys have always engaged.

For one thing, the characters tend to be adults involved in adult activities, some of which are highly questionable. I don’t feel that they are appropriate role models for impressionable young children. In addition, there’s an occult or New Age flavor to many of these programs and products. The settings are mythical or futuristic, and the action often revolves around superstition, sorcery, and magic. For these reasons they concern me for spiritual as well as psychological reasons.

The electronic media has incredible power to “sell” these dubious heroes and their exploits to our children. Studies have measured actual physiological changes that occur when kids are watching a violent television program or movie: The pulse rate quickens, the eyes dilate, the hands sweat, the mouth goes dry, and breathing accelerates.

It should be obvious that this kind of “entertainment” has a dramatic emotional impact – especially if it’s repeated often enough. And the toys that are marketed as “spin-offs” from such programs only serve to reinforce or extend those negative effects. What’s more, there’s no balancing positive, healthy, or educational component to these products.

That’s why our organization, Focus on the Family, and others have made major investments in high-quality videos and other materials for children. We must provide alternatives for families that want their kids to have wholesome entertainment but are determined to protect them from the popular culture. We will continue to do what we can to meet that need.

QUESTION: I have a friend whose children drive me crazy when I’m around them. They are the most undisciplined brats I’ve ever seen. We can’t even talk when they are around. I would love to help my friend with a few disciplinary tips. How can I do this without offending her?

DR. DOBSON: When you want to point out a flaw or shortcoming in someone else’s behavior or character, you do it the way porcupines make love: very, very carefully. Otherwise, you’re likely to lose a friend.

Pointing out parenting mistakes in others is even riskier. You’re liable to get your ears pinned back for trying it – even when your motives are honorable and you have a child’s interest at heart. That’s why I never offer unsolicited advice about other people’s children, no matter how badly I think it is needed.

If you insist on telling the other mother what she doesn’t want to hear, let me suggest that you first invest some time and effort in your friend. When a relationship of confidence has been carefully constructed, you’ll have then earned the right to offer her some gentle advice.

There are no shortcuts to this process.

QUESTION: What causes Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

DR. DOBSON: It is believed to be inherited. Russell Barkley of the University of Massachusetts Medical Center estimates that 40 percent of ADHD kids have a parent with similar symptoms, and 35 percent have an affected sibling. If one identical twin is affected, the chances are between 80 and 92 percent that his or her sibling will be also. ADHD is two to three times as likely to be diagnosed in boys as girls.

The cause of ADHD is unknown, but it is probably associated with subtle differences in brain structure, its neural pathways, its chemistry, its blood supply, or its electrical system. As of this writing, some interesting hypotheses are emerging, although definitive conclusions can’t yet be drawn.

Dr. Dobson is founder and Chairman Emeritus of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, Colo. 80995 (www.focusonthefamily.org). Questions and answers are excerpted from “Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide” and “Bringing Up Boys,” both published by Tyndale House. COPYRIGHT 2009 JAMES DOBSON INC.