June 12, 2025
Saying “no” to ministry opportunities can feel painful. But the reluctance to say no, even to good things, can negatively impact one’s life and ministry.
A good friend and I used to compare our work schedules and one of us would inevitably ask, “Who plans your calendar? They must really hate you.” We both knew that we each planned our own calendars, but we did not always plan wisely.
Jesus was able to say “no.” One of the most revealing stories of Jesus’ love for people and clarity of calling is found in Mark 1 where Jesus had been healing people, and then the next day was up early in prayer with the Father. The disciples came to him and told him that there were people looking for Him, implying there was more ministry to be done. Jesus said “no” to that opportunity so he could say “yes” to the calling to preach the gospel in other places (Mark 1:35-38).
Why is it hard for pastors, elders and ministry leaders to say “no” and why must we do it anyway? Here are seven reasons it can be difficult to say “no” and one reason why we must.
1. Because of the fear of man: Proverbs 29:25 reminds those of us with people pleasing tendencies, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.” Fear of man is an unhealthy preoccupation with the approval of certain people. Because we want people to like us, sometimes we fear that if we say no to a ministry request, even when we may have valid reasons, we may not have their approval.
2. Because of our responsibility: Pastors, elders and ministry leaders have job descriptions and legitimate expectations that go along with their role. Those expectations may include hospital visits, phone calls, meetings and much more. A sense of responsibility to do one’s job and to do it well makes saying “no” to a ministry opportunity more difficult.
3. Because of a healthy desire to serve: Most people who serve the Lord as pastors, elders and ministry leaders do so because God has called them to those roles. These leaders love people and want to serve them faithfully. Most of them love what they do and find fulfillment in it. For those reasons saying “yes” to ministry requests is easy and saying “no” can be difficult.
4. Because of the expectations of others: Not only do we have expectations of ourselves, but those in church or ministry leadership soon discover that others have expectations for them as well. Someone has said, tongue in cheek, “They love us and have a wonderful plan for our lives.” Those we serve have legitimate needs for our ministry and their expectations can make saying “no” more challenging.
5. Because of pride and arrogance: We may have an unrealistic view of our own limits. We may think we can do everything that is asked of us. It is pride and arrogance that causes us to overestimate our own abilities, but reality has a way of reminding us that we are human and that we have limits.
6. Because of an unhealthy mindset: The oft-cited phrase, “If it is to be, then it’s up to me” is used appropriately for motivational speeches, self-leadership and accountability. That phrase becomes problematic when pastors, elders or ministry leaders apply it to themselves and develop a martyr’s complex about doing an overabundance of work in the church or ministry.
7. Because of undeveloped leadership skills: Delegation is a learned skill that many in ministry leadership have never developed. When we say “yes” to every ministry opportunity, we may be robbing others in the church or organization of using their gifts and abilities to serve the Lord.
Why must we learn to say “no” to some ministry opportunities? Because when we say “yes” to everything, we are in effect saying “no” to other things. We are saying “no” to our family, to leadership priorities, to God’s will for our life and even to our own health and spiritual well-being. While our “yes” is on the table in our service to Christ, there will be occasions when we need to say “no” to His people and to some ministry opportunities.
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Todd Gray is executive director-treasurer of the Kentucky Baptist Convention. This commentary first appeared in Kentucky Today.
