April 27, 2025
Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Roy Orbison burst on the scene in the early 1960s with his hit “Only the Lonely,” which he wrote along with Joe Melson. Rising to #2 on Billboard Magazine’s top hits in July 1960, this tune opens with:
“Only the lonely
Know the way I feel
Only the lonely
Know this feeling ain’t right”
Roy was right. The feeling ain’t right. Whether caused by loss, grief, addiction, rejection, isolation, self-absorption, or whatever, the condition is common, rampant in fact, in this “high-tech/low touch,” depersonalized society in which we live.
Country music icon Waylon Jennings acknowledged, “The world that I live in is empty and cold. The loneliness cuts me and tortures my soul.” “If I’m a legend, why am I so lonely?” questioned actress and singer Judy Garland. Albert Einstein candidly commented, “It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.”
Although, in the wake of His creation, God called all things good, He looked at Adam and said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18, NASB). The author of Psalm 102, possibly David, penned, “I resemble a pelican of the wilderness; I have become like an owl of the waste places. I lie awake, I have become like a lonely bird on a housetop” (vv. 6,7).
Before addressing ways to manage loneliness, let’s discuss what it isn’t. First, being lonely is not the same as being lonesome. I was lonesome as a college freshman, three hours from home in a strange town, separated from family and friends. That said, I wasn’t lonely. In fact, I quickly made new friends and found myself invigorated by my studies, activities, and surroundings.
Next, loneliness isn’t synonymous with solitude. Jesus often sought solitude, but, given the disciples and His relationship with His Father, I don’t think He ever became lonely. American poet and novelist May Sarton said, “Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.” Finally, loneliness isn’t the same as isolation. You can be very lonely in a crowd. Quite frankly, large crowds often enhance loneliness.
In addition to family and friends, consider the following when combating loneliness.
1) Establish spiritual identity- When you receive Christ as Savior, the Holy Spirit, a perpetual presence and partner, comes to live in you. As the old saying goes, “God and you make a majority.” He longs to hear from you. Pray continually. David cried out from a cave, “Look to the right and see; for there is no one who regards me; no one cares for my soul.” Fortunately, he quickly rebounded, adding, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living” (Psalm 142:4,5, NASB).
2) Experience spiritual community- Of course, as a pastor of 35 years, I’m going to make a huge pitch for church involvement. A local body of believers offers a means of fellowship (koinonia) that nothing else can provide. That said, don’t just look for what you will get out of a church, but for what you can put into it as well. Rather than “sit, soak, and sour,” SERVE. Loneliness doesn't stand a chance against someone who has found their niche and is making life better for those around them. No man is an island unto himself. Yes, Cain, we are our brother's keeper.
I’m aware that many are shut in. You’d love to get out, but are no longer able. If that’s the case, I pray a steady stream of loving people will come to you. Add to that, writing, phoning, and texting.
Loneliness remains a force to contend with in this fallen world in which we live. Thankfully, it won’t be there in eternity. For now, experience the richness of conversing with God and communing with others.
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Rev Gaddis has been a pastor for over 34 years, 25 of those in Georgia. He lives in Athens and can be reached at jtoddgaddis@gmail.com.
