Commentary: Reaching young adults this Christmas

PJ Dunn

Shape your Christmas communication so singles and young adults hear, 'This is for you.'”

The church glows with candles and Christmas trees. Families arrive for the Christmas Eve service dressed in their Christmas best, ugly sweaters, and pajamas. Children wiggle in the pews, hoping this is the year they get to hold a real candle. As the choir begins “Silent Night,” the room feels full.

But you look around and see what many pastors will see from the stage this year. Children fill the room. A senior adult section full of wisdom and tradition embraces a flickering candle. The young adult section, however, is scattered, quiet, or missing altogether.

Christmas is busy, yet for many young adults, a silent night is a familiar reality all year. And Christmas can sharpen it. How can the church respond to the loneliness young adults feel with hope and community?

The American Christmas dream has changed

The American church has often been built around the American dream: marry in your early twenties, have several children quickly, buy a home, and sit together at church on Christmas Eve. Pastors preach toward this ideal through sermon applications, and church calendars frequently aim to engage a young adult generation that has drastically changed.

The U.S. Census Bureau estimated there were more than 133 million unmarried adults in 2022, and about 46% of adults 20 and older are unmarried. Many of them have never been married. Others are divorced, widowed, or in complex situations. Living arrangements tell a similar story. Census data shows nearly 1 in 10 young adults aged 18 to 34 live alone, while 57% of adults 18 to 24 still live in their parents’ home.

That means many young adults at Christmas feel in between. They’re not youth, not settled, and not sure where they belong in your church. Yet most church holiday strategies still revolve around the “young adult family” as a married couple with children. When this model and mindset become the primary lens for connecting with your community, single and lonely adults become invisible in plain sight.

When Christmas targets families and misses singles

Churches should celebrate families in December! We plan family photos, children’s choirs, and events that ask people to “bring the kids.” That will certainly connect with many in our communities, but unintentionally, we often send a different message to single young adults:

• If you don’t arrive as part of a couple or family, you’re an extra.
• If you don’t have children, our main Christmas experiences aren’t for you.
• If you’re home from college or working in town but still single, you’re back in spiritual “waiting room” status.

When we speak only to the family, we overlook the person. When we speak to the person, we reach every kind of family and every life stage. If our Christmas communication only highlights families with children, couples, and married traditions, we shouldn’t be surprised when single adults choose to watch a service online or skip church altogether on the days we assume everyone will attend.

Young adults want to belong at Christmas

Christmas magnifies both joy and loneliness. The U.S. Surgeon General has called loneliness a public health epidemic, with about 1 in 2 adults experiencing loneliness. If half of the adults around us wrestle with loneliness, we should assume many young adults in our communities feel isolated during the most relational season of the year.

However, Christmas is the story of God refusing to leave people alone. Matthew 1:23 says, “They will name him Immanuel, which is translated ‘God is with us’” (CSB). The incarnation is God’s decisive step toward us in our longing to belong.

So, what would it look like for your church to reflect Immanuel to young adults in December? Consider a few practical shifts:

• In every Christmas series, include singles and young adults from the pulpit. Say out loud that they belong, just as clearly as you affirm families. Think about equal time, not a quick stage shout-out.
• In your visual communication, show individuals and groups of friends, not only couples and parents with children.
• When you invite people to Christmas Eve, include language such as, “Whether you come with a whole row of family or walk in by yourself, there’s a seat for you.”

Belonging starts with clear communication before it grows into deep relationships.

The gift of mentoring young adults

For young adults, the most powerful gift you can give may not be a resource but a relationship. Scripture calls older believers to invest in the next generation (Titus 2). Jesus did not simply preach to large crowds. He spent time with a smaller group of disciples and then an even smaller circle within that group. You can reflect the way Jesus gave His time to others by treating mentoring as a Christmas gift you plan, not an accident you hope will happen. Consider these steps:

• Create an opportunity at your church for mentoring to be one of the ways you celebrate Christ’s birth. Announce that you’ll launch intentional mentoring or micro groups in the new year and plan a connecting event that encourages natural multigenerational relationships.
• Think micro, not massive. Invite people to form micro groups of three or four who will meet regularly around Scripture, prayer, and honest conversation. When you plan your next men’s or women’s event, make the main call to action the start of a micro group, not just attending another event.

For a young adult who lives alone, spends most of life alone, or feels spiritually adrift, a consistent mentor or micro group can become the most meaningful gift they receive this Christmas. It quietly says, “You matter enough for me to rearrange my calendar.”

Young adults are ready for a seat at the adult table

In many homes, Christmas includes a kids' table and an adult table. The joke is familiar, but the pattern can quietly continue in church life. We create youth spaces, college spaces, and young adult spaces, but we rarely entrust younger adults with opportunities that come with real responsibility.

“Adulting” feels more complicated and delayed now than it did for previous generations. Instead of rolling our eyes at that reality, we can respond like spiritual family. 

In your home this Christmas: 

• Save at least one open seat and intentionally invite a single young adult, a neighbor, or a college student who cannot travel home.
• Let them help shape a tradition, not only observe one.

In your church this Christmas:

• Invite young adults to serve in visible roles in December, such as Scripture reading, testimony, greeting, worship leadership, and tech.
• Ask at least a few to sit on planning teams for future Christmas ministry, not just volunteer at events you design for them.
• Hand off real traditions. For example, if an older member has led the Christmas Eve candlelight service for years, invite a young adult to co-lead this year, with a view toward leading in future years.

You’re not simply filling slots. You’re telling young adults, “You belong at the adult table of this church. This is your church family too.”

The good news is that younger generations still show interest in church. Recent research suggests Gen Z and Millennials now attend church more often than they did a few years ago, with some reports indicating attendance has nearly doubled compared to five years ago. 

So as you plan the next Christmas season, take one night and walk through your sanctuary in your mind. Picture the children, the longtime members, the visiting families, and then pause over the quiet spaces where young adults could sit.

Shape your Christmas communication so singles and young adults hear, “This is for you.” Offer the gift of mentoring through micro groups that start in the new year. Give young adults a literal and figurative seat at the adult table in your home and in your church.

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Dr. PJ Dunn works in church revitalization for the Georgia Baptist Mission Board, and can be reached at pdunn@gabaptist.org.This article appeared on Lifeway Research.