Commentary: Why does dropped toast always hit butter-side down?


A few things I wonder about:

Why are doctors’ offices—especially the dermatologist’s—so cold? You’re asked to strip down to your skivvies, and it feels like 50 degrees in there. If it’s intended to prevent lingering, well, I’m ready to go as soon as I get my pants on.

Why do supermarkets move everything around every so often? About the time I learn where the coffee creamer is shelved, they move it. Someone said the reason is simple: They want you to search for items, and in searching, you might see something else to buy. Hey, all I want is coffee creamer. Where did they put it?

Why do hunters go out into the backwoods looking for deer when three-fourths of them have moved to town? They’re now nibbling on our holly bushes, and holly bushes have stickers. Nothing keeps them away. I put up motion lights where our hostas used to grow, but all they did was provide a little ambiance for dessert.

Why do TV cable companies offer discounts to new customers and leave us loyal long timers paying much higher rates? Do I need to end my subscription for a while and then start again?

Why do TV meteorologists seem a little bit too excited when bad weather is approaching? Is it because it gives them something to do? I suspect just saying “hot and sunny with a chance of rain” gets old after 40 days and 40 nights.
Why does my Apple Watch tell me it’s time to stand up just after I’ve sat down in the bathroom?

Why has everyone’s telephone menu options changed at the same time? Doesn’t matter who you call. “Please listen closely as our menu options have recently changed,” the automated messenger says. How recent? I called two months ago, and they’d recently changed then. Do they change once a week?
Why can’t those computerized ladies on the phone understand plain English? OK, it’s English of the American south, but most real human beings understand me pretty well. My best bet is to beg, “Speak to representative,” and then repeat it four times.
Why are politicians always talking about kicking the can down the road? How many cans are in the road?
Why should I worry about what “they” are wearing these days? I never figured out who “they” are. If “they” are the ones who decided men’s pants should be short enough to show off your shins, I’m not interested.
Why are older people expected to be wiser, but they can’t remember their passwords or what they had for dinner last night?
Why are movie reviewers always recommending films that most normal people wouldn’t watch halfway through? And what is normal?

Why are some of us, including me, prone to make the same mistake twice?
We should remember the wisdom of the late Sen. Ernest “Fritz” Hollings, who said, “There is no education in the second kick of a mule.”
And, finally, why am I wondering all of these things?

Phil Hudgins is a retired newspaper editor and author from Gainesville, Ga.. Reach him at